fbpx
Back to Top

Tag Archives: Bringer of Chaos

Material about characters, or scenes from the book by Kayelle Allen.

Layering emotion into characters: Writing Pietas #writerslife #writersWhat does layering emotion into characters mean? Isn’t writing: “No!” he screamed angrily telling instead of showing? Yes, it is. So how do you add emotion without telling the reader what the emotion is? Here’s how to show, not tell.

To layer emotion, look at two things.

To add emotion to your writing, look at verbs and nouns. Before you heave something at the screen, let me show you what I mean. This is the opening paragraph of my upcoming military science fiction novel, Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire. I wanted to show that the main character, Pietas, is unhappy about being in a dark forest. He feels trapped. It’s closing in on him, but you can’t write that. It’s telling. So I focused on words that had a negative connotation instead. Here’s the first paragraph:

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

Verbs

Here is the same paragraph with the verbs highlighted in red.

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

The first verb, would, is passive, but used to ask a question with a negative connotation, which lends power. The rest have their own inferences, mostly negative. Since the goal is to show the character feels trapped, using verbs with negative concepts helps set the emotional stage.

Examine the verbs in your own first paragraph, or whatever section you think needs more emotional impact. How can you alter them to convey the emotion your character is experiencing? Is it positive?

Here’s the same paragraph, in the same location, experienced by a person who loves the setting.

The enveloping darkness cocooned him like warm gloves, blocking unwelcome light and filling the air with the scent of flowers. Others in his party failed to appreciate the floating spores and drifting pollen; he glimpsed the magnificence of this alien world through its ancient forest. He inhaled, drawing in its sweet fragrance.

By describing the setting with an eye toward emotional descriptions, you can alter the reader’s perception and let them see the character’s point of view.

Writers build emotion by choosing powerful verbs and nouns Click To Tweet

Nouns

Here’s the paragraph with nouns highlighted in red.

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

Layering emotion into characters: Writing Pietas #writerslife #writersIt evokes uneasiness with words like nightmare, darkness, spores, dead. The adjectives and adverbs around the nouns add to it: incessant, never, steaming, lightless, alien, wanted, cloying, sickening. All the words are negative or lean toward the negative. In the end, the reader knows exactly what the character is feeling without coming out and telling them.

By the next page, Pietas finally escapes the gloomy forest. The paragraph that describes his joy never says “He was happy” but you get it. He burst into the welcome light, squinting and shielding his face. After hours tramping through deep shadow, the noonday heat caressed his head and shoulders like a friend, hoped for but long lost.

Build emotion by choosing powerful verbs and nouns that evoke the feeling you want to convey. Your readers will fall in love with the story, empathize with the characters, and scout out more of your work.

 

This week’s BookHooks offers a sneak peek at my upcoming book, a military science fiction novel with romantic elements. What is the hottest kind of fire?

Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire

Humans created the Ultras, a genetically enhanced race, to defend mankind. Instead, Ultras became their greatest threat. With the help of traitors, humans captured half a million of the immortal warriors.

Exiled to an alien world with no tech, no tools, and no resources, their leader, Pietas must protect his people, find food and shelter and unite them. But before he can, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.

Ultras are immortal, and no matter how they die, they come back. Reviving after death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Some wounds heal instantly and a few take time, but battered and broken trust? Immortals may heal, but a wound of the heart lasts forever.

In this scene, Pietas performs a ritual at the urging of his friend, Six.

Pietas’s long hair, full of static electricity from the wind and storm, settled over his shoulders and adhered to his neck. He could not lift his arms to gather it himself but he did not want the others to see he needed help nor did he want Six fretting over it.

The man blamed himself for the injury. Yes, Six had bound Pietas. It had been Six’s duty to do so. In truth, those who had placed Pietas inside the pod and refused to release him were to blame, but no matter how often he reminded Six of that, the ghost refused to relinquish his guilt.

Six dug into his pockets. “I think I have another strip.” They had torn several from a ragged shirt. Six wore the biggest piece around his neck. He set down his pack and opened it.

“Six,” Pietas hissed. He did not turn his head, but looked toward the others. “Leave it!”

The ghost glanced up at him, then the immortals, waiting ahead. “You want the women messing with your hair? Is that it?”

He closed his eyes, counting to ten. To a hundred would not erase this embarrassment. “No.” When he beheld Six, the man had the discourtesy to smirk. “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”

The man chuckled. “We should have cut your hair before we set out.” He rummaged through his kit, which held all Six owned when he’d been abandoned on this world. Little more than survival gear.

“I never cut it except in ritual.”

“I know.” Six withdrew a boning knife used for it.

Before every battle, Pietas performed the solemn rite to affirm superior strength and prowess. The ghost had been the first human to see it carried out, albeit the first half from a distance while hiding.

Six stood. “Maybe you could perform it now.”

“How like you to see the easy solution. But there are a few elements missing. No fire. No water. No mask.” He gestured toward the oncoming storm. “No time.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of pretending?”

“One cannot ‘pretend’ a ritual.”

“What a boring childhood you must’ve had. Why not?”

Pietas opened his mouth to answer. Shut it again.

Six lifted one eyebrow. “Do you want to go into that dark hole and meet up with your people without performing it?”

“No, but there’s no time.”

“Rain’s coming.” Six jerked a thumb toward the forest. “Like I said, you have to go in there or you won’t reunite with your people. Are you going to stand out here making excuses, or do this?”

“Ghost, this ritual is important. It deserves respect.”

Blah, blah, blah. That storm is bearing down on us.” A few drops of rain splattered them both. “See? Or maybe you’d rather have your sister help you with your hair every morning.”

“Fine!” With a resigned sigh, Pietas capitulated. “How do you propose we ‘pretend’ my ritual?”

Six tucked the knife into his belt and held out his cupped hands. “This is fire.”

Pietas hesitated.

“Come on, Pi.” Six wagged his cupped hands. “This stuff is hot.”

“Of course it is.” A smile slipped onto his face and refused to leave. “It’s pretend fire. That’s the hottest kind.”

“Remember, you do this naked. Unzip your robe or whatever it is you’d wear.”

Pietas mimed removing his silk robe. He plucked one hair and laid it across Six’s hands, feeding it to the fire. “As fire has victory over life, so I have victory over my enemies.” He passed a hand through the imaginary flame. As he had in the real ritual, he hissed at the scorching heat. He cupped his hands over Six’s, a symbolic end to the flames. “I am powerful, as fire is powerful.”

“Next is air, right?”

“Yes.” He lifted both hands, made fists, and yanked them back. “I own the wind. I prevail over the breath of my enemies.”

Again, Six cupped his hands. “Water.”

“Water submits to my presence the way enemies submit to my will.” He scooped his hands into the bowl, lifted his arms and pictured the liquid dripping down them. “The blood of my enemies trickles into the pool of time, is absorbed, and forgotten.” He bent and pushed both hands through his hair. “My mind is clear. I do not waver.”

Six held his hands flat, waist high. “The pond.”

Pietas ducked as if to submerse himself, then rose, throwing back his head. “My body submits to my will. No pain defeats me. No fear touches me.” He brushed his hands down the length of his body. “My will is absolute. I am bigger than any fear. I prevail in every circumstance. I face every foe. I vanquish every enemy. I overcome. I am indomitable. I am invincible.”

“Black face paint for the mask.” Six held out his hands.

The ceremonial mask represented a splash of blood across his face received during battle. Dipping two fingers of each hand into the bowl, Pietas outlined a bandit’s mask up over his dark eyebrows to the area beneath his eyes. He brushed his fingertips over his eyelids and met Six’s gaze.

Finding a mixture of awe and respect threw him out of the moment. He faltered, unable to recall what came next.

Six offered the knife hilt first.

The man had seen the ritual performed once, from a distance, yet he’d remembered each step. Six wouldn’t have known the next part was performed by Pietas’s sister if no trusted partner or friend was at hand. The time Six had seen it done, Pietas had not yet considered him either one.

How wrong he had been. The man was more than both.

The hottest kind of fire burns within the heart. --Pietas Click To Tweet

JOIN US FOR BOOK HOOKS

What a telepath focuses upon, she controls #SciFi #MFRWhooks #MFRWauthorIn this scene from Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire, Pietas and the search party sent to find him have stopped their upward mountain trek for a short break. Prior to their reunion the previous day, Pietas had spent a year in confinement, hands bound behind him. He’d been starved to the point of death, but because he’s immortal, could not die. Although he has healed since, the brutality left a lasting toll on his once robust physical body. As they prepare to get underway, he unwittingly reveals the impairment. To a telepath…

Wincing, Pietas stretched to ease cramps in his back.

His sister stood. “Tas!” she called up to him. She’d started using her childhood name for him since they’d reconnected the day before. “Are you hurt?”

A quick telepathic scan from Joss swept over him before he realized it was there. Pietas had still been a teenager when she’d trained him to shield his mind from those with her gift. Not that he’d ever been able to block her. She was far too powerful, but today, she’d read him with no more difficulty than a hunter spying trail signs. He’d been near no Ultra telepaths for over a year.

His affinity with Six had made him careless and he’d neglected the basic lessons Joss had taught him.

It wasn’t a lack of trust. Trust had never been an issue with Joss.

He treasured her, but he ought not to have been so unguarded and open. Vulnerable.

“Pietas.” Joss stood. The waves of emotion he picked up from her held love and concern in equal measure. And a bit of disappointment. “You’re injured.”

He ducked his head like a schoolboy who’d forgotten his lessons. Admit mortals had damaged him? Never. Neither would he lie about it. He’d take better care to hide the pain.

“Don’t worry about me.” Whistling, he circled a finger in the air. “Let’s go! Long climb ahead.” He leaped down from the rocks. “Joss, you lead.” Last thing he wanted was her behind him, using him as an object of focus.

What telepaths focused upon, they controlled.


Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire
Science fiction with romantic elements
Rated PG13 for violence (no explicit content or profanity)
Humans created a genetically enhanced race to defend mankind. Instead, the Ultras became humanity’s greatest threat. Traitors among them help humans imprison half a million and exile them on an alien world.
Pietas has no tech, tools, or resources, but he vows to unite and avenge the Ultra people. First, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.
Ultras are immortal, and with few exceptions, they revive after death. Some injuries heal instantly. A few take time. But battered trust and a broken heart… That pain lasts forever.
This military science fiction novel is scheduled for a December 29th release.
Publisher Romance Lives Forever Books
Genre science fiction with romantic elements
Rating PG13 for science fiction violence (no explicit content or profanity)
Length about 74,000 words / 300 pages
To take part in an exclusive pre-release online party and get advance notice of its availability, join the Romance Lives Forever Reader Group. You’ll also get free books and other downloads and goodies.

The prequel for Forged in Fire is Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas. Next book in the series is Bringer of Chaos: Watch Your Six.


JOIN US FOR BOOKHOOKS

That feeling when you think you're explaining--but you're not #Pietas #scifi #MFRWhooksIn this scene from the military science fiction novel Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire, the hero, Pietas, has discovered a familiar item on an alien world. He points it out to Six, explaining in detail so his friend will understand.

Explaining isn’t always easy

Not far from the waterfall, they found sandy soil and the start of shrub with orange blossoms.

“Look, Six.” Pietas stooped to run a finger across the plant’s dense florets.

“It’s like a cross between daisies and sunflowers. What is it?”

“Helichrysum. There are over six hundred species of this plant on Earth. They come in every color except blue, although my mother’s been working on that. You’d know it as Strawflower or Immortelle. It’s edible as a seasoning.” He picked a leaf, sniffed it, held it for Six to smell.

“Reminds me of my grandmother’s kitchen. Like rosemary.”

“The oil is good for arthritis. Joint pain. Clear skin.” Standing, Pietas brushed off his hands. “There’s a break in the growth up ahead.” He approached and went down on one knee.

Six squatted beside him, boots crunching the dry soil. “You know, we’d have made it here a lot quicker if you didn’t have to study every plant we came across.”

“I don’t study them. I identify them. But I’m not looking at plants here.” He pointed. “This is a trail. The tracks are from ungulates. Popular with terraformers. They put them on every colonized world. These are artiodactyla, to be precise. Bovidae. Probably a derivative of aepyceros melampus.

“You know, Pi, when you say things like that, you think you’re explaining, but you’re really not.”

“Animals with split hooves. Even-toed. Lightweight impalas. Antelopes.”

“What, you couldn’t say antelopes?”

“I just did.” Pietas got up, dusted off his ragged pants.

Six stood. “So, this is how it’s going to be?”

The other immortals had gathered a small distance away. Pietas shot them a glare and they scattered, pretending not to listen.

He returned his attention to Six. “How what’s going to be?”

“You’re back among your own people, so you talk like them. Showing off your three thousand years of education.”

“Hard to do since I’m not yet two thousand. My mother was chief scientist in the terraforming industry. She fed me taxonomy along with my milk.”

“Taxonomy?”

“Classification of organisms by structure and origin. As in, I’m Ceramin perpetualis. You’re Humanus originalis. Or you were. Your metamorphosis makes you Humanus pseudo-perpetualis, or something similar. I thought mortals taught this.”

“Well, excuse me! But my fourteen years of school didn’t quite prepare me for the level of science you take for granted.”

“You have that much education?”

Six’s dark eyes narrowed in a warning.

Despite himself, Pietas laughed. Drawing Six away from the others, he leaned in close. “I apologize. I was showing off.”

“Thank you. My point.”

“No, no. I wasn’t apologizing for speaking above your level of understanding. I teach you. Do I not?”

“Well, yeah, so what’s the apology for?”

“Showing off in front of my people.”

“Showing off how?”

“Banter. Joking with you. Most of them,” he nodded toward the four immortals, “have never had what I have.”

“Which is?”

Did the man not see it? Pietas smiled. “A human friend.”


Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire
Rated PG13 for violence (no explicit content or profanity)
Humans created a genetically enhanced race to defend mankind. Instead, the Ultras became humanity’s greatest threat. With the help of traitors, humans captured half a million of them.
Exiled to an alien world with no tech, tools, or resources, their leader, Pietas, must unite them. Before he can, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.
Ultras are immortal, and no matter how they die, they come back. Reviving after death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Some injuries heal instantly. A few take time. The pain of battered trust and a broken heart, though… That lasts forever.

This book will be released soon and is subject to final edits. The final version may be slightly different from the one presented here. Please join the Romance Lives Forever Reader Group — you’ll get four free books right away and be the first to know when the book is available.

Read book 1: Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas, available free on Kindle Unlimited
Amazon https://amzn.to/28QOTpb

JOIN US FOR BOOKHOOKS

“Humans were made to be ruled.” A scene from Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas (Military Sci Fi, Soldiers, Bad Boys, Adventure, and Angst) In this snippet, Pietas receives an ultimatum.


Humans were made to be ruled #SciFi #Pietas #MFRWhooksThe leaders of his people gathered in sleep around Pietas, sealed inside their curved, steel stasis tubes.

“You think to imprison me? You think to bring me down like a hunted animal?” He indicated the other life-pods. “I will not cower before you. I will not bow. I will not kneel. I will not serve. I will never submit. Humans were made to be ruled, not by my people, but by me.”

The silhouettes above him contrasted with the bright light behind them. One by one, they slipped away, until one remained.

“Fighting us accomplishes nothing.” The disembodied voice echoed in the chamber. “Enter the pod, Pietas, or we’ll siphon the air. You’ll die.”

“I’ll revive. I’ve died countless times. I do not fear death. Death fears me.”

I do not fear death. Death fears me. --Pietas Click To Tweet

 

Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas
Why should Pietas end the war with humans?

His people are winning, yet they insist on peace talks. The Ultra people want to grant humans a seat on the Council. Pietas ap Lorectic, Chancellor of the High Council, War Leader and First Conqueror, disagrees. What’s best for mortals is oppression, control, and if necessary, elimination.
Pietas seethes with rage at the idea of human equality. Humans might have created Ultras, but the creation has far surpassed the creator. Humans die. Ultras are reborn, no matter how grievous the injury. They have no equals.
His people permit him no choice. He must attend these insipid peace talks on Enderium Six and what’s worse, be polite. To humans.

Available free on Kindle Unlimited
Amazon https://amzn.to/28QOTpb
Get an illustrated book of quotes by Pietas

JOIN US FOR BOOKHOOKSHumans were made to be ruled #scifi #pietas #MFRWhooks

In thWhat little remained of his heart... #scifi #MFRWhooks @kayelleallenis scene from Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas, the hero is performing a ritual to prepare for war. He’s asked his twin sister to assist him. The one woman who held the tattered remnants of his trust and what little remained of his heart. Yet no one had ever betrayed him as cruelly.

What little remained of his heart…

Dessy twirled the dagger. “You should let our people know you still do this ceremony. They’d be impressed by your devotion.”

“I don’t do it to impress anyone. I do it to ready myself for– Stop!” She had been sliding one fingertip along the edge of the dagger. Pietas removed it from her grasp, and examined the blade.

“Honestly, Pietas! I was just testing the sharpness.”

“I didn’t want you to cut yourself.”

“I’m as adept with blades as you. More so, if you ask me.”

“Not the point. If you’d cut yourself, I’d have to consecrate it again. It can only have my blood or my enemy’s.”

“You think I’m witless? As if I haven’t performed this ceremony with you a hundred times. And here I thought you were concerned for my well-being.”

“Stop playing. I told you, I’m busy.”

She let out a harsh sigh. “Fine. Let’s complete the ritual.”

Dagger in hand, Pietas unfastened the clip in his hair, and let it fall. The wet tail slapped the middle of his back. He tossed the clip aside, placed the dagger on his palms, and offered it.

She poised her hand above it. “Who offers this weapon?”

“First Conqueror, War Leader of the Ultras.”

She took it from him. “For whom are you willing to suffer?”

“I suffer for my people.” Pietas turned his cheek.

Dessy slid the knife tip along his face, from cheekbone to chin, drawing a thin trail of blood. “For whom do you bleed?”

“I bleed for my people.” By the time the first drop of blood had risen, the cut had healed, leaving no scar.

“What sacrifice do you offer as proof of devotion?”

He went to his knees, and lowered his head. Here was the true reason he no longer performed this ritual before his people. Pietas abased himself before no one.

Except the one woman who held the tattered remnants of his trust, and what little remained of his heart.

“I surrender my pride.”

Pietas abased himself before no one. #SciFi #MFRWhooks Click To Tweet

Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas
by Kayelle Allen
Pietas is an Ultra, an all-but-immortal warrior who leads the fight against the oppressive human race that created his people. But when he’s captured and exiled to an alien world, his only ally is Six, a human who’s been as betrayed as he was. To cross the continent and find other Ultras, Pietas must overcome his centuries-long distrust of humans, and rely on Six. This mortal will either become his closest living friend or the human whose betrayal triggers all-out vengeance by the most powerful immortal ever born.

Read the first chapter https://kayelleallen.com/chaos-origin/
Available free on KindleUnlimited and in print
Amazon https://amzn.to/28QOTpb


JOIN US FOR BOOKHOOKS