In this scene, Shohn and Joe meet for dinner and to discuss how Shohn's company, idBot, can help Joe find the person he's looking for. He's just admitted that as a terraformer and scientist, he thinks firestorms have personal agendas. Shohn's boss, Luc Saint-Cyr would be thrilled to know this, since he knows the truth behind the firestorms. Shohn keeps Joe talking, letting him express his feelings.
"I read about the death of your parents. It must have been a shock, being so sudden."
"It was." Joe traced the lip of his goblet. "I've existed in an absolute daze. Most people say how sorry they are for your loss. Offer condolences. I heard it so much I was numb. You know? I couldn't hear the meaning anymore, just the words. All the people I work with also worked with my father. They knew my mother. They knew me since childhood. I was always underfoot during my dad's field work, growing up."
"Your family was close." How she envied that. Missed what she'd once had.
"We were. I worked on every firestorm research project you can think of. But because of my father's theories, his death raised an invisible wall between myself and my colleagues. They treat me like I'm fragile glass. Some days it feels like I'm lost at sea. No sign of a harbor anywhere." He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to ramble."
"Please, don't apologize." She set down her goblet. "I understand better than most what it's like to lose someone under tragic circumstances."
"Do you?" He sipped the wine.
"When I was a girl, the big brother I idolized killed himself."
"I'm so sorry." Joe laid a hand over his heart. "Oh, my god. I just talked about how I hated hearing that and then I go and say it to you."
"It's all right. Saying it is a reflex, but most people don't know what to say next." She flicked one ear. "It's awkward."
He released a long sigh, shoulders slumping. "Is it true that time takes it away?"
Running a fingertip along the lip of her goblet, Shohn shook her head. "It becomes less sharp. Less piercing. But it still hurts. Sometimes a random comment brings it back. The other day, someone was talking about doing a task she didn't want to do, and said, 'If I have to do that I'd sooner kill myself.' She had no idea how her words stung. A slap of ice water in the face. I wish I could give you the time or date when you'll be able to think about their deaths and it doesn't stab you in the gut." She set a fist over her belly. "It'll take a while. In Kin culture, males are gaining rights, but not nearly fast enough. Ours is a repressive society, and that repression is why my brother killed himself. I'm trying to do my part to bring about equality. I'm determined not to let his death be in vain." What was wrong with her, sharing intimate details like that? "Sorry. It's not like me to open up."
Antonello Brothers
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