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Cover Reveal: An Immortal’s Guide to Tarth #SciFi #ASMSG #IAN1

An Immortal's Guide to Tarth
An Immortal’s Guide to Tarth

An Immortal’s Guide to Tarth is a tongue-in-cheek look at what relocating would be like for the immortals in my books if they moved to the Tarthian Empire. A bit of non-fiction, written in a fictional way. The voice is that of Joss Avaton, one of the immortals. The rules of the immortal gamers role-playing game Peril are spelled out, and a who’s who among the gamers provided. A must-have for fans of the Tarthian Empire series. This handy guide will inform, entertain, and provide never before seen peeks behind the curtain.

This excerpt is taken from the opening of the book.

Greetings, Fellow Immortals

Welcome to the Tarthian Empire. This book is a guide to the people, places, and possibilities you’ll find here. A list of immortals and their roles in Peril is also included. All Sempervians are welcome here. This will be your home away from home. To those immortals who have joined us in our glorious exile — please know you are our honored guests. We are pleased to share the bounty of the Empire with you.

I’m Joss Avaton, your guide. A little about me. I’m telepathic (which most of us experience and understand), and a scripter, which means by touching you I can discern your abilities and gifts. Contrary to popular belief, scripters cannot tell your past or your future. We can only tell about your present: what gifts you possess now.

So that neither of us has any illusions, I will tell you up front that I am serving Penance. For those of you new to the game of Peril, that means I lost a game and must pay for it. In my case, it was a technicality, and the gamers in my session had nothing to do with my loss. I lost by my own mistakes, and take full responsibility. The gamer opposite me (Nanchonta) I would trust with my life, and have, many times. However, I would carefully watch the lead player in my support team (Akaghe) and never turn my back on him. Not for one moment. He is not based in the Tarthian Empire, for which I’m thankful. But enough about the past. I’m here to help you in your future with us.

While we are more than glad to welcome a fellow immortal into the Empire, you should be aware that the relationship between Mundanes (mortals) and ourselves is not an open one. To that end, let’s dive straight into the ironclad rules.

Rule Number One: This Book is for Immortals Only

By order of Pietas ap Lorectic, Lord of the Immortals, the Impaler, Hammer of God, Marauder, Soul Ripper, Destroyer of Worlds, Slayer of Innocents, Hound of Hell, you are ordered to set aside this book if you not immortal. Put down this book, walk away, and no one will get hurt. Should you decide to disobey this directive, that assurance is void.

With that warning in mind, you may proceed at your own risk.

Rule Number Two: Immortals Don’t Exist

Of course, immortals do exist. The fact that you are reading this book proves that. We are referring to what the non-immortal Mundane population thinks. They (other than the Chosen) are never to know of our existence. The rule regarding how much to reveal is simple: nothing.

We do not discuss immortality.

We avoid any mention of immortality.

If asked directly if we are immortal, we lie.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

The answer to “Why can’t we tell them?” is also simple: BPSS (Because Pietas said so). If you don’t know who Pietas is, we refer you to Rule Number One.

You will no doubt find yourself exasperated by the sheer number of Mundanes present in the Tarthian Empire, especially humans. They have overrun it and multiplied like rats in a pestilence. Which brings us to Rule Number Three.

Rule Number Three: Live and Let Live

By order of Pietas, humans and other people groups may not be killed for sport. That does not mean you can’t annoy, manipulate, and use them for your own purposes. However, the rule about killing is strictly enforced. You can be banned from the Empire for killing even one Mundane. Justifiable homicide must be proven in Mundane courts as well as before the throne of Pietas.

It has nothing to do with their inherent worthiness. Mundanes have none. However, we must coexist here and the worlds in the Tarthian Empire are filled with these creatures. They farm, raise fish, cattle, sheep, and other animals used for food, create cities, technology, transport, and other items which we find useful and helpful. Since we take full advantage of these things, it behooves us to let them exist. Therefore, the golden rule is “Live and let live.”

We cannot stress strongly enough the need to remember the golden rule when it comes to Mundanes, and especially humans. They tend to bring out the worst in us, so guard yourself against rash behavior in their presence. Pietas does not permit a “temporary insanity” defense. I know this chafes. You must learn to deal with it.

And there you have it. The new cover, in all its glorious riot of color.

Tropes as Elements in Fantasy and #Scifi @MelissaSnark #IAN1

Elemental Storytelling uses Tropes
Elemental Storytelling uses Tropes

Tropes are literary themes that recur across a genre. Think of tropes as the ‘brilliant detective’ of murder mysteries or ‘the virginal heroine’ in Regency romances. Tropes are more than character descriptions, however. They can relate to plot as well.

Films are often identified by their tropes: chick flick, shoot ’em up, RomCon, or the well known Whodunnit.

Tropes are similar to archetypes and clichés, although not necessarily negative in aspect. Tropes can abbreviate writing — and reading.

In the 1990 Arnold Schwarzennegar film Total Recall, the futuristic world had so many futuristic elements that it was hard to recognize roles. In one scene, a woman sitting at a desk casually changes the color of her nails by applying it with a special wand, while she answers a phone. Instantly, her secretarial role became recognizable. The shorthand of her actions told us what we needed to know, without spending time doing it. If a character walks in the room and he’s wearing a white coat and has a stethoscope hanging around his neck, we expect him to be a doctor. The props themselves are part of the tropes for these kinds of characters. It can become a cliche, yes. Even become part of a character archetype. Evil laugh for the villain? Check. But tropes are not necessarily a bad thing. There are thousands of tropes.

Tropes in Trailing Kaiwulf

Tropes as Elements in Fantasy and #Scifi @kayelleallen #IAN1To see where these colored boxes come from and to understand their concept, click HERE to open the Periodic Table of Storytelling in a new window.

Ind – Adventurer Archaelogist (Dr. Viva Post)

An older woman, Dr. Viva Post was confined to a hoverchair after a cave in at a ruins injured her spine. She uses a silver “strength suit” to walk or climb limited distances.

Ag – Action Girl (Jee Tonopah)

Jee is the personification of an Action Girl. She can go toe-to-toe with her male counterparts without breaking a sweat. The day she has to be rescued will never dawn. Although she is tiny in comparison to her beefy partner, she is the undisputed brawn to his brain.

Gb – Genius Bruiser (Dane Raphyel)

The Genius Bruiser is a big guy who is also a geek. Dane is far from being Dumb Muscle. He understands the significance of the MacGuffin being sought, as well as some of the history of the Gates Technology (Applied Phlebotinum).

Cal – The Call (TRAIL mission)

Trailing Kaiwulf
Trailing Kaiwulf

The first step in a hero’s journey is the point where our heroes learn they must abandon their well-earned vacations, saved for over a period of years, and go on a dire quest to retrieve a MacGuffin. A Living MacGuffin in this case.

Ob – Obstructive Bureaucrat (Jeff Thompson / Lt. Cmdr. Morrison / unnamed executive)

There are multiple Obstructive Bureacrats for the price of one in this story. Their machinations generally meet dire ends, as befits the annoying natures of the characters.

Phl – Applied Phlebotinum (Gates Technology)

As the tropes site explains, this is science, magic, and strange things unknown to science or magic. In Trailing Kaiwulf, there are various advanced technologies that are unexplained because they seem commonplace to the characters using them (intersteller flight, strength suits, communication devices, etc.). However, the defining “phlebotinum” of this book is the Gates technology. The ruins of twin steel arches over 200 feet high have been found on several previously thought uninhabited worlds. Scientists have puzzled over their intended use. On the planet Ust, they find a dying race that still uses the technology — or would have, if the key to turning on the Gates hadn’t been stolen. Finding and retrieving the person who stole the key is the crux of the story.

Mcg – MacGuffin (Kaiwulf)

Kaiwulf is a “Living MacGuffin” whose presence in the story serves to drive the plot. He’s an invisible man who can enter another dimension, and the heroes of the story must find and return him to this dimension.

Here’s a link to the original post on Melissa’s site for last year’s event.

Learn More About Tropes

A popular site for fans is TV Tropes. It started out as a small wiki for TV watchers, and has grown into millions of fans in every media. During the month of July, Author Melissa Snark is featuring a number of authors on her Snarkology site who will discuss tropes in their stories. The series is based on the Periodic Table of Storytelling, which is linked to the TV Tropes site. For this event, Melissa’s site and the TV Tropes site will be linked. Be sure to visit both. You won’t want to miss.

Each author in the Tropes event will have the opportunity to show off the varied tropes within one tale. Here is a list of appearances. I’m up first, on July 7th with The Last Vhalgenn.

July 7             Kayelle Allen
July 8             Jax Daniels
July 9             Nicole Zoltack
July 10           Houston Havens
July 11           Melissa Snark
July 13           Caroline Warfield
July 14           Jude Knight
July 15           Emily Walker
July 16           Mari Christie
July 17           Jami Brumfield

If you sign up for my newsletter you’ll be the first to hear when the post comes out. Signing up is easy. Just click the link shown above, or enter your email in the link on the left. Why not also follow the blog by choosing one of the options listed? Or sign up for one email when a new book is released by clicking here: Author Alarms Thank you for your support!

A #gem of a #scifi book

A gem — and charming too

Companion Dustplugs for Cellphones
Companion Dustplugs for Cellphones

I got a sweet review: “This gem of a scifi book offers tips for scifi writers, and secrets for fans of Kayelle Allen’s Tarthian Empire series.”

This is more true than you’d think. I’ve partnered with EssenTiles on Etsy to create beautiful gem-like charms of the cover, and my friend Paige created handmade glass beads (also a gem) that match the planets on the cover. She put beads and charms together to create a unique dustplug you can use with your cellphone.

Companion dustplugs in use
Companion dustplugs in use

How do they work? (in the phone image, it’s shown at the bottom. Your phone will have this jack at the top.) Insert the plastic plug into your cellphone’s audio jack and it keeps the dust out. It also makes a pretty gem dangle of bright color. I’ll give away one of these to the first five (US address only, please) who ask. You don’t have to leave personal info here. You can email me your contact info at author@kayelleallen.com and I’ll get back with you.

Paige created the beads by melting the glass and adding “frit” — fused or partially fused materials used in making glass — to create the markings on the “planets”. This ensures each bead is unique. The charms are quality glass with the image embedded inside.

fused or partially fused materials used in making glassRead more: http://www.answers.com/

I loved creating this unique gem as a giveaway, and hope you’ll enjoy using it!

About the Tarthian Empire Companion

For the science fiction writer, this volume teaches you how to build believable worlds, track details of your story, organize your writing, and lay out your story bible. Novice or experienced, you will pick up tricks and tips here. This EPIC eBook Award winning writer shares organizational tips, links to marketing sites, groups supporting writers, science fiction groups, and more. Material from the author’s 90+ page website is included.
For the science fiction fan, the Companion reveals the worldbuilding magic that makes Kayelle Allen’s Tarthian Empire tick. She shares every character in every book, 10k years of future history, offers inside peeks at scenes and stories, lays out a quick tour of the Empire, and dishes up a surfeit of secrets, all in one illustrated volume. Original art by Jamin Allen and Kayelle Allen.

Purchase

Amazon http://bit.ly/companion-az

How a Critique at Starbucks Helped Publish a Book #scifi #reference

Tarthian Empire Companion - A World-Building Bible and Guide to Writing a Science Fiction Series #Writing #SciFiIn late 2013, I joined a local writer’s group. I was looking for a critique group, but figured any writer’s group would lead me to one. At the time, it was a weekly meeting and the emphasis of the group was strictly to do writing prompts. Members met at Starbucks, had coffee, and shared a new word they’d learned. The moderator then gave a topic and we spent 20 minutes writing. Afterward, we shared what we’d written and others in the group commented. About four months later, someone asked if we could meet on an additional, different day to critique already-written work. Several of us jumped at the chance. Within another three months, the original moderator left the group, and we began doing a critique at all meetings. In addition, or instead of, members can write to prompts and bring those. In any case, we all share critiques. The atmosphere is positive, friendly, and open.

Critique Groups Get Results

The group meets regularly, Tuesday for lunch at a different restaurant, and Saturday for coffee, and we do critiques of work we’re readying to publish. It’s produced some wonderful books, including Lisa Haman’s brilliant humorous noir, Mallow Mayhem. Imagine a world where marshmallow peeps rule. When a pink bunny goes missing, it’s up to yellow chick Philippa Marlowmellow to investigate. Lisa wrote this book with a nod to all the various kinds of peeps, without ever mentioning the candy or using its trademarked names.

Last year, I published A Romance for Christmas, which the group critiqued, and also Human Perfect. This month, I released The Tarthian Empire Companion, a non-fiction book the group helped me polish.

For the writer of science fiction, and the writer who wants to create a science fiction series, this volume teaches you how to build believable worlds, track details of your story, organize your writing, and lay out your story bible. Novice or experienced, you will pick up tricks and tips here. The Companion reveals the worldbuilding magic that makes the Tarthian Empire tick. I share 10k years of future history, offer peeks at scene and character creation, lay out a quick tour of the Empire, and dish up a surfeit of secrets for fans, all in one illustrated volume. The companion provides organizational tips, links to marketing sites, groups supporting writers, science fiction groups, and more. Material from my 90+ page website is included. Original art by Jamin Allen (and some by me).

It’s a good idea to have any book looked at by others before publishing it. When people put a checkmark next to a line because they like it, or tell you they got lost on a line, it helps. Better to have friends who tell you the truth about a scene and guide you to make it better, than to have reviewers tell you how badly you write. Once that book is out there, it’s out there.

So You Want to Date a Gay Immortal #LGBT #MFRWauthor #Humor

Complete Set Tales of the Chosen Series #MMRomance #SciFi #WriteLGBTQIf you want to date a gay immortal, what should you consider? Here are ten tips.

  1. Go out with your gay immortal guy because you like him as a person, rather than to find The One. Face it, how many times are you going to get a date with an immortal? Even if it doesn’t work out, this will be a date to remember. Enjoy it just for the experience.
  2. Practice safe dating. Your immortal may enjoy death-defying endeavors on dates, but unlike him, you won’t live forever. Wear a seat belt, a helmet, and unless he’s immune to everything, sterile, and can prove it, use a condom.
  3. If he’s bi, accept it. If he’s lived centuries, he might have tried almost anything. It’s true that he may not have found Mr. Right yet and you may be The One. It’s also possible he’s simply in touch with his polyamorous inner lover and enjoys a wide variety of relationships. Bottom line, don’t get your heart broken — pay attention to the signs.
  4. If your gay immortal is a shapeshifter, were-creature, or undead, these attributes can add an entirely new level to your relationship. But be sure you’re ready for sex with a guy who’s really (and I do mean really) a beast.
  5. Don’t offer your guy flowers, candy, or other trinkets on the first date. Immortals are used to giving gifts, but some are uncomfortable with getting them. However, after a few dates, if you bring him flowers, he’ll be surprised, and likely touched that you took time to think of him. In a way, flowers on a first date are expected — but flowers on the fourth are not. Surprise him.
  6. Speaking of gifts, if you want something that will stun your gay immortal, why not give him the stars? Literally. Go to http://adoptastar.whitedwarf.org/ and you can adopt a star for him, get a certificate, and present it to him. If he’s from the future, he might even share memories of having visited there. Plus the money goes to help scientists with research.
  7. Get your sleep. Immortals tend to “stay up all night” if you get my drift, and you’ll want to be well rested to take advantage of that.
  8. Be on time. He might not be, depending on what era he’s from (future, past, and present sometimes run together for an immortal), and that’s something to deal with if necessary, but don’t keep him waiting. He’s spent enough time alone as it is.
  9. Dress comfortably, but well. The first date is definitely the time to break out sexy underwear. Whether you want to show it to him on the first date is another matter. But wearing it will give you a feeling of looking and feeling your best.
  10. Use the law of attraction to win his heart. This can be true with any guy, but for an immortal, it’s vital. What is this law? “You get back what you give out.” Project a positive, energetic vibe by looking for ways to make him happy, and if he responds in kind, you may have a winner. However, If you give and give, and he only takes and takes… that has nothing to do with his being a gay immortal. He’s just a jerk. Move on.

So, what are your tips for dating a gay immortal? If you’ve got one, share it in the comments.

What’s a Story Molecule? Trailing Kaiwulf by Kayelle Allen #MFRWauthor #Scifi @MelissaSnark

What's a Story Molecule? Trailing Kaiwulf by Kayelle Allen #MFRWauthor #Scifi @MelissaSnarkLike me, my friend Melissa Snark likes the TV Tropes website. What are tropes? They’re devices and conventions that a writer can reasonably rely on as being present in the audience members’ minds and expectations. On the whole, tropes are not cliches. The word cliched means “stereotyped and trite.” In other words, dull and uninteresting. The TV Tropes site isn’t about that. It’s about the creative use of these mega-themes.

The Periodic Table of Storytelling is a site that makes good use of these themes. By putting together all the basic tropes and assigning them a range of colors and letters, it’s possible to create a “story molecule” using the themes of the story.

What's a Story Molecule? Trailing Kaiwulf by Kayelle Allen #MFRWauthor #ScifiMelissa had an idea. Why not take the TV Tropes website and figure out how to apply its amazing concepts to her own story? She hit upon an even better idea. Why not invite other authors to do the same thing? Adding icing to the cake, she contacted the TV Tropes site and asked if they’d like to take a look. They did, she did, and a group of us got together to share the idea of creating a story molecule.

Mine is the last one in the series, so I’m doing my best to make it awesome. I hope you’ll check it out. The book I’m featuring is Trailing Kaiwulf. Why not head over there and take a look? It’s amazing what she put together. Click here: http://is.gd/kaiwulf_molecule

Find an invisible man in another dimension? All in a day’s work at TRAIL.

Travel to a godforsaken planet on the outskirts of space. Check. Hold intrusive military types at bay. Check. Find an invisible man in a different dimension. Check. Finish out the vacation TRAIL yanked you back from to do it? Easier said than done.

Trailing Kaiwulf
Trailing Kaiwulf

Yanked back from their first vacation in ages, Jee and Dane get handed a top priority mission. The pay is better than any they’ve earned before as agents for the Trace, Rescue, and Identification League. With this much money, they might not need jobs. They’re the best there is, and the item, person, or secret hasn’t been invented that these two can’t recover. Until now.

Locating this quarry might be a bit past even their considerable skills. After all, how do you find an invisible man in another dimension? And who, exactly, is footing a bill this steep? Certainly not the archaeologist in charge. The military wants to get involved, but they have no monetary stake either. So who — or what — is behind the request to trail Kaiwulf?

Excerpt https://books2read.com/com-trailing-kaiwulfAmazon https://books2read.com/com-trailing-kaiwulfThis is a Trace, Rescue, and Identification League story.
Download the official TRAIL Facebook cover and other goodies: https://books2read.com/com-trailing-kaiwulf
Learn more about the Periodic Table of Storytelling
http://designthroughstorytelling.net/periodic/

 

 

An Alien’s View of #Christmas #scifi

An Alien's View of ChristmasA few years ago I saw a comment about the oddness of Christmas that has stuck with me. It said, “At what other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?”

Too true. We see Christmas cards of cute guys wearing Santa outfits while holding puppies. There are cards with our kids on them, or our grandkids. Pictures of decorated trees. Snow-scenes. Snowmen, in fact — snow families. St. Nicholas, aka the Jolly Fat Man. We spend money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like. Christmas is a bit odd in that way.

Now, imagine if you were an alien and had never experienced a twenty-first century Christmas before. You arrive on Earth on December 24, 2013 in North America. Your arrival was purposely quiet. Your mission is to observe and report back without being noticed. What would you say in your report?

Population: extremely heavy in rural and shopping areas, while places of apparent business seem abandoned by comparison

Advertisements: Profusion of advertising featuring a fat, graying man in a red suit trimmed with white fur, oddly mixed with what appears to be ads for exercise equipment for a “fit new year”. Same man appears on street corners ringing bells, and on thrones in places of business. People bring children to him. Cannot determine if this is a deity or a patron of sales. Suggest second trip in different season to observe.

Security: Armed and unarmed uniformed police everywhere. Extreme attention at places of commerce, and on items which appear to be small plastic cards. These are often shown before leaving with purchases, although no currency seems to change hands. Perhaps the items being removed from places of business can be recalled by the “cashier”, and the cards are merely ID.

Food: Lavish meals are being planned, with images of huge cooked birds on platters. High attention is paid to crooked red and white “canes” often decorated with attached items. Pastries in the form of small biscuit-shapes are seen everywhere. Most are decorated or festooned with icing and sprinkles. Perhaps these are the reason such attention is paid to “fitness equipment.”

Space travel: Confusingly, there are multiple images of outer space travel displaying advanced ships and alien contact, yet these all seem to be works of fiction.

Weaponry: Debates ongoing over “gun control” while civil wars are taking place throughout the world. Pockets of war interspersed with areas of peace. Most weaponry is primitive compared to ours.

First Contact: So-called UFOs are discussed everywhere. Population seems open to first contact, while government is apparently opposed to same.

Potential for Colonization: Wait another century

What do you think? What types of items did I miss that the alien would have reported?

Happy Holidays to you and yours, no matter what planet you call home.

Visit Spooky Scifi Planets @kayelleallen #amreading

A World-Building Bible and Guide to Writing a Science Fiction Series, Illustrated by Jamin Allen and Kayelle Allen #SciFi #SpaceOperaWhen I started writing Science Fiction Romance, I needed planets for my characters. Where were they born? What was it like there? This was my strong suit. After all, I’d been thinking about it all my life! I decided to create a “tour” of the Tarthian Empire on my website, and have art and information about each of the planets. This month, Coffee Time Romance designated the tour on my site as one of its elite spots — one of the top twelve for the year. So, when the Just Romance Me blog tour came along, I figured the spookiest planet on Tarthian Tour Company’s site would be perfect.

A little about the Tarthian Tour Company — their slogan is “Where do you want to wake up tomorrow?” They can take you to any of over twenty planets or drop you off on side trips to visit the Conqueror’s palace or see the Droid Discovery Force in action. There’s an interactive star map where you can click the name of a world to visit its page. From each world’s page, you can click the tour logo to return the company’s home page or click the list on each page to visit any other planet in the empire.

Clicking the pictures on the tour itself will open them full-sized, and some are amazing to see. When my son was in art college, I forced him coerced him begged him he volunteered to help me create them. ^_^

The Ministry of Emigration’s official statement reads: “While terraforming is complete, the life-cycle of the planet Drated is not yet within parameters for habitation. Initial investigations revealed a lack of certain necessary nutrients in the soil which will be provided at the proper time. All inquiries should be directed to the Terraformer’s Circle of Fellowship.”

The TCF refuses to comment. Sources inside the corporation say that wild energy fields are not to blame as were previously reported. Speculation abounds.

Gates of Life

Archaeological digs on several barren worlds in the Tarthian Empire and all the non-human ones (Tyris, Felidae, and Ezraki) uncovered the ruins of towering arches. (See picture below) Natives called them the Gates of Life. For an idea of their true size, note the bottom left corner of the drawing.

It is speculated that they originated as monitoring devices for tracking the progress of genetic mutations, but no true use is known. Rituals of “passing through the Gates” after birth are common to Tyrans, Chiasmii, and Kin alike. All three worlds have legends that link the Gates to a god who descends from the sky in a burning chariot. The Tyrans called him Sandargen, the Chiasmii Arjensa, and the Kin Adel Jansaara. When translated to Etymis, the tradestandard language of the empire, all these names mean Saint of Silver.

A detailed description of this saint’s arrival suggests a spacecraft. According to the legends, he was the size of a god, and had white hair. He always wore silver, and demanded a sacrifice of two virgins, male and female, which he took back to the sky with him. Those who did not please him, or had failed in worshiping at the Gates were punished severely, and some were killed. When thousands of years passed without the Saint of Silver’s return, the inhabitants destroyed the Gates. Gates were also found on the planets Ohy and Sanity IV but there is no evidence that intelligent life ever existed on any of these worlds. What happened to the inhabitants is a mystery that is likely never to be solved.

Sanity IV – Gone Forever

Sanity IV is nearing completion of mining. The myth that Sanity I, II, III and IV destroyed themselves in a civil war is false. They were surface-stripped and mined for raw materials, and exist now as asteroids in the Sanity system. The name origin is lost, but legend says Sanity IV began as a slang term in a song often sung by miners. The gravity well in the Sanity system makes it an ideal jump point. Occasionally, an errant asteroid interferes with navigation. It is a myth that jumping into Sanity IV’s space can trigger space time disruptions. If that were true, events would repeat at random intervals. This has never been observed. If that were true, events would repeat at random intervals. The name origin is lost, but legend says Sanity IV began as a slang term in a song often sung by miners. Sanity IV is nearing completion of mining.

Begin your own tour

Click here to see all 22 planets and side trips: https://kayelleallen.com/ttc

Caution: While you’re hanging out on the tour, or perusing the excerpt pages, be on the lookout for little icons that seem out of place. Clicking them might transport you to a hidden rebel base, or land you in the custody of the Praetorian. Whatever you decide, I hope you’ll enjoy the visit to the Tarthian Empire, where Romance Lives Forever.

UPDATE
The winner of the blog contest was Jennifer M. JustRomance.me picked her name from the list as my winner. Jennifer received a puzzle book and the first edition of the Tartian Empire Companion book, a nonfiction look at the tour on my website.
Congratulations, and thank you to everyone who took part.

More Spam Spam and More Spam

Danger Ahead…

I occasionally share a list of amusing spam emails. Here are some of the latest. Use discretion when opening these kinds of messages — and a good antivirus program. For best results, don’t open them at all! I include their titles here, but did not open any of these emails.

Dear Confidant/Scam Victim
I love this one! Apparently they believe in telling you the truth right up front. You are a victim. What a timesaver.

Confirmation! Confirmation! Confirmation!

Because I might not pay attention if they just wrote Confirmation.

FBI Seeking to Wiretap Internet
Now, when I got this it was in all caps, but I wrote it like a title to fit my blog better. Which is another way you can tell if something is spam. It SCREAMS at you. Apparently, finding the caps lock key is too much of an effort for these folks.

Kind Request
Yeah right. Their kind request is for me to download their virus-laden attachment and/or click their malicious-site URL. No thank you.

Poverty Alleviation Program
I knew this was the real thing because it came from United Nation. Not Nations, mind you, but Nation. Although what this one nation is united with, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s an internal thing. Anyway, I didn’t open it. I prefer to alleviate poverty the old fashioned way — by working.

Verification Notice
This type of notice should be considered seriously. No, really! If you just joined a website and are expecting a confirmation of some sort, it can be handy. But in my case, I got one from the Chief Justice of Nigeria. Somehow I don’t think so. Gonna pass on that one.

Your Winning no: GB8701/LPRC
Okay, my winning “no” (which is an abbreviation for number — but I digress) is right there. If you want to contact Australia Lottery Inc and claim it, be my guest. But I’m passing on that one too. Kind of hard to be a winner in something I’d never heard of, and hadn’t played.

Use caution online


USPS notification #1880453, #5216533, #2116200

Three notifications for me in one day, all from ISPS Inc. Gee, they must be afraid I’ll miss the packages they tried to leave for me. Maybe I should open this email and download the goody they sent me so I can claim it. I haven’t had a virus in a while. On second thought, think I’ll pass…

And there you have it. More spam spam and more spam from the wonderful world of email.

Kayelle Allen is an award-winning, multi-published author. Her heroes and heroines include badass immortals, warriors who purr, and agents who find the unfindable–or hide it forever. She is known for unstoppable heroes, uncompromising love, and unforgettable passion.

From the Spambox: Another Amusing Title

Stop Spam!

Periodically, I do a blog post about funny spam. I get a kick out of reading the subjects in my email?s junk mail folder. Sometimes the wording clues you in right away that it?s bogus. Other times, you can tell by the ?from? name that it’s not someone you know, or that it?s not who it purports to be. For example, I doubt the real Federal Bureau of Investigation would send me an email advising me of the fact that they had a warrant for my arrest. Somehow, I think they?d just come and find me. Honestly, I don?t move around that much. It wouldn?t be hard for them to grab me at all.

But scam artists still try to fool us. Here are some amusing subject lines I?ve seen lately. (All spelling is exactly as it was in the original version.)

THE CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION AGAINS YOU HAS STARTED. GRAVE PRIVACY VIOLATION IS A SERIOUS THING.
Okay… grave privacy violation? What, are we talking about grave robbers here? Someone maybe stealing headstones? To do what, exactly? Recycle? In case there might be another person with the same name who needs a headstone, and who died on the same date? No… somehow I don?t think it?s that kind of grave. But the word ?agains? shows me that someone is either careless and doesn?t check spelling (against) or this is a non-English speaking translation. Either way, obvious spam.

CAN I TRUST YOU
I don?t think a day goes by that I don?t see this message in my spam box. If you don?t know that, why are you sending me an email asking me for… what, exactly? To trust you with a small fortune? To smuggle goods out of the country? Or into this one? Good grief. I?m wondering as I write this if some random sweep by the FBI and my use of their name above with the words smuggle will trigger a visit. Or maybe this post will be viewed by Homeland Security? Of course, now that I?ve used both FBI and Homeland Security, I?m probably a goner for sure. Anyway, on to another amusing title from the spam filter.

WITH MY DIGNITY IS VERY URGENT PLEASE?
I wonder if the spammers of the world know how much laughter they cause with titles like this. It made me literally laugh out loud. What the heck is this supposed to mean? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I GUESS NICE. MY IS A LITTLE BIT HOT OVER HERE.
Do you even want to know what this email is about? No. No, I didn?t think so. I didn?t either. Like 99.9% of spam, I deleted it unopened. But I did laugh. What is the .01% I do open? Things from friends that got mislabeled, or registration confirmations that were mis-sent to spam. That’s about it. I am uber careful about what I open online.

WE THE FBI HAVE WARRANT TO ARREST YOU GET BACK TO US FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

We have a warrant…

Here’s another unopened message that generated giggles. Riiiiight. I?ll get right on that. But first I have to take care of this vital email.

SCAM VICTIM COMPENSATION PAYMENT ADVISE/ OPEN THE ATTACHED FOR MORE DETAILS.
Yes, I am going to open your attachment. I haven?t caught any good viruses lately. I?m sure I?m overdue. Not.

ATTENTION DEAR
Ever wonder why so many scammers and spammers use the word ?dear? in the subjects of their emails? Is that supposed to make me believe you know me? For some reason, most of these are from individuals who add Mr. or Mrs. to their names in the from section, which is completely at odds with the friendly greeting.

PAYMENT OF PRIZE & CLAIM
I?m on this ASAP because even though I haven?t entered a sweepstakes contest in twenty years, I?m sure I?ve won something big and expensive. Can?t wait to see what it is!

And that concludes our selection of exciting spam messages this time. Be sure to stay tuned for the next edition of ?From the Spambox.?

Kayelle Allen is an award-winning, multi-published author. Her heroes and heroines include badass immortals, warriors who purr, and agents who find the unfindable–or hide it forever. She is known for unstoppable heroes, uncompromising love, and unforgettable passion.