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Tag Archives: Kayelle Allen Characters

posts with insights about characters

This week’s MFRW BookHooks offers a sneak peek at Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire, my upcoming military science fiction novel with romantic elements. In this scene, the not-quite-human Six offers a canteen of water to the immortal king. Four other immortals are watching. The scene is from Pietas’s point of view.

Canteen

A canteen of water and a friend #Pietas #SciFi #MFRWHooksSix slid their canteen off over his head and held it out to Pietas.

Accepting anything from a human, an altered one at that, had violated every instinct at first. To take from an enemy, yes. Always. Let one give you something as if you needed it? Admit a weakness before an enemy?

Never.

But this was Six.

Pietas took it.

Ultras could go days without water, but they consumed it when they had it. He wiped one dusty hand across his mouth. The satisfaction of assuaged thirst never failed to please. What simple things in life brought pleasure! In captivity, he’d dreamed of even a drop to cool his tongue. He’d sworn he’d never take water for granted again.

Six had offered water to their companions during the climb, but the entire lot refused anything a mortal’s lips had touched. Yes, Six was a quasi-immortal, but to the others, that gave him even less status.

Pietas wavered on few things, but on this? Should he call the man human, mortal, quasi-immortal, or ghost? He’d elected to choose as the mood struck. But one in particular annoyed Six.

“Thanks, ghost.” He thrust the canteen against Six’s chest.

Staggering, he swore in Spanish. “Find another name for me.”

“Tell me your mortal name then.”

“You know I can’t.” Six scratched his cheek. “Gotta protect my family. If your kind knew who they were, they’d slaughter them. You wouldn’t, but them?”

Now they were getting somewhere. “So you do trust me?”

“Pi, there’s more honor in your left big toe than your entire race combined.” He tipped up the flask but then paused. “No offense.”

“None taken. But we’re stranded, my friend. Unless a miracle happens, by the time we get off this world, your family will be long dead.” He added, “No offense.”

Six finished his drink and plugged the container. “None taken. Sorry. Can’t do it.” He lifted the strap back over his head and settled it onto his shoulder, the canteen at his back. “Seriously, Pi, your people hear you call me you-know-what, it’ll give away I was Ghost Corps. We both know what they’ll do to me.”

Admit a weakness before an enemy? Never. But this was Six. #SciFi #Pietas Click To Tweet


Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire
What if you were marooned on a barren world? No food. Few survival tools. You’re genetically engineered. No matter how agonizing the wound, you survive. No matter how you die, you come back.
It could be worse. You could be here alone. But that’s the problem. You’re not.

Available for preorder on Amazon Nov 11-Dec 28. Purchase on Dec 29, 2017
Free on Kindle Unlimited http://amzn.to/2ABIcCI

Join the Forged in Fire tour and get free goodies! 

A canteen of water and a friend #Pietas #SciFi #MFRWHooks

 


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Welcome to MFRW Book Hooks. Members of Marketing for Romance Writers holds this weekly blog hop as a way to encourage active participation in the group and with each other. A Wound of the Heart: Forged in Fire is the name of a “behind the scenes” booklet for my upcoming book, Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire, a fast-paced Sci Fi military romance set in the far future. That booklet will be out Nov 10th in time for the Forged in Fire Cover Reveal Tour. Link coming soon. 

The actual book is out Dec 29, 2017. Join the Romance Lives Forever Reader Group to be in on special events surrounding the book release.

A Wound of the Heart

From Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire 

Humans created a genetically enhanced race to defend mankind. Instead, the Ultras became humanity’s greatest threat. Traitors among them helped humans imprison half a million and exile them on an alien world.

Pietas has no tech, tools, or resources, but he vows to unite and avenge the Ultra people. First, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.

Ultras are immortal, and with few exceptions, they revive after death. Some injuries heal instantly. A few take time. But battered trust and a broken heart… That pain lasts forever.

Forged in Fire is the sequel to Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas. Forged is written in a way that lets you read it alone, yet hints at details in the first book. To get the full saga, read both. Pietas is ultra worthy of many books. In fact, he has appeared in nearly all my Tarthian Empire series stories. He even has his own Facebook page. Check out images that tell his story on the Bringer of Chaos Pinterest page, especially if you like dragons.

Look for a new Book Hooks next week.


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Villain: wicked or evil person; someone who does evil deliberately; principal bad character in a film or work of fiction (WordWeb). I’d like to add to that: character who refuses to cooperate with your plot.

When Your Villain isn't a Villain #writerslife #amediting @kayelleallenI started with the definition of villain so we both speak the same language. Mine was named Pietas and he was the bad guy in a book I’d written, edited, rewritten, re-edited, and restarted nine times since 2008.

I picked it back up, considered it, and set it aside again multiple more times before I realized my problem was not with the plot, the hero, or the concept. It was the villain.

My problem was with my immortal Ultra, Pietas.

He would not do any of the things I thought a bad guy should do. Seriously? A villain who doesn’t even swear? What kind of bad guy is that? Although he had used a “bad word” in a book no longer in print, that was me badly writing his character to fit my “vision” of who he was. It felt wrong at the time but I didn’t listen to my gut. I should have.

Like any proper scoundrel, Pietas was cold and inhuman and his followers obeyed him without question. But unlike the usual dastardly-deed-doer, the minions of Pietas followed him out of loyalty. I’d missed something in creating this villain of mine and I didn’t know what it was. I figured I had to either put the book away forever or find a way to make Pietas behave.

Those who know the Bringer of Chaos are laughing right now. Make Pietas do what? Right!

Talking to a writer friend, I lamented about this frustrating villain and how difficult it was to write about a narcissistic sociopath. She laughed in my face and informed me I couldn’t be more wrong. He was not a villain at all, but a passionate, honorable, and humble man who’d been put in a position of being the heavy.

To which I replied, “No, no. I’m talking about Pietas.” Turned out, so was she. Obviously, I had missed far more than I suspected. But what?

With her help, we set up an “interview” where she would ask me questions and I would answer as Pietas in a free association format. This is a thought process in which ideas, words or images suggest other ideas in a sequence. Using what I already knew about him, I would try to figure out how he’d answer. I’d role play. Why not? Pietas was not only the king of the immortals in my story, he was the Gamemaster in the role-playing game they all obsessed over: Peril.

We agreed to record it so I could go back and listen again. She would ask open-ended questions that couldn’t be answered “yes” or “no” which would elicit conversation. We talked for well over an hour. She asked “Pietas” about his father, how he felt about his mother, why he did not get along with his sister, and why he was so hung up on a previous lover. What had happened to him as a child that made him angry now? What did he hope to accomplish?

By the end, I had a far deeper understanding of the immortal king. I got to know the real person and not the superficial character I’d written. What showed up in other books was the person he presented to the world. In reality, the psychotic front he showed to others was not at all who he was.

That insight changed everything.

I got to work writing his story instead of the one I’d wanted. When I finished Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas and released it, one reviewer said “He’s painted as a complete psycho in other books. It’s really great to get some insight into who he truly is.” Readers told me they felt Pietas was a real person and I was channeling his energy. My heart sang. I’d accomplished my purpose and revealed the true person to the world. Although, now I had to deal with Pietas, who wasn’t all that happy about the big reveal! I’ve sweet-talked him into bringing his truth into the light, so we should see several more books in his series.

I’ve been busy writing the sequel to the Origin of Pietas. I’m on the last few pages now. Here’s the blurb for the new book, Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire. (updated cover on the way)

Reviving after death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and wounds of the heart take forever.

When Pietas reunites with the immortal Ultra people he was born to lead, they reject his human friend, Six, a member of Ghost Corps. Ghosts, their most feared adversaries, are resurrected special ops soldiers who possess enough strength to perma-kill Ultras.

Six is taken hostage, and Pietas must free his friend, deal with the brutal father he’s detested since childhood, make amends with his sister, and rescue his ailing mother. Meanwhile, the tempestuous affair he rekindles with a beautiful, telepathic warrior he’s adored for centuries lays bare long-held and deadly secrets.

The gift of telepathy he’s always wished for activates at the worst possible time, but it gives him one huge advantage. He bonds with an ally who harbors every bit as much hatred for his father as Pietas does: a tribe of genetically enhanced panthers. As much as he loves these noble creatures, connecting with their feral bloodlust threatens to undermine his legendary self-control.

How can he even hope love will withstand the unstoppable berserker rage within the Bringer of Chaos? If it can’t, Ghost Corps will be the last thing Ultras need to fear.

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Pick up Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas

Layering emotion into characters: Writing Pietas #writerslife #writersWhat does layering emotion into characters mean? Isn’t writing: “No!” he screamed angrily telling instead of showing? Yes, it is. So how do you add emotion without telling the reader what the emotion is? Here’s how to show, not tell.

To layer emotion, look at two things.

To add emotion to your writing, look at verbs and nouns. Before you heave something at the screen, let me show you what I mean. This is the opening paragraph of my upcoming military science fiction novel, Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire. I wanted to show that the main character, Pietas, is unhappy about being in a dark forest. He feels trapped. It’s closing in on him, but you can’t write that. It’s telling. So I focused on words that had a negative connotation instead. Here’s the first paragraph:

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

Verbs

Here is the same paragraph with the verbs highlighted in red.

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

The first verb, would, is passive, but used to ask a question with a negative connotation, which lends power. The rest have their own inferences, mostly negative. Since the goal is to show the character feels trapped, using verbs with negative concepts helps set the emotional stage.

Examine the verbs in your own first paragraph, or whatever section you think needs more emotional impact. How can you alter them to convey the emotion your character is experiencing? Is it positive?

Here’s the same paragraph, in the same location, experienced by a person who loves the setting.

The enveloping darkness cocooned him like warm gloves, blocking unwelcome light and filling the air with the scent of flowers. Others in his party failed to appreciate the floating spores and drifting pollen; he glimpsed the magnificence of this alien world through its ancient forest. He inhaled, drawing in its sweet fragrance.

By describing the setting with an eye toward emotional descriptions, you can alter the reader’s perception and let them see the character’s point of view.

Writers build emotion by choosing powerful verbs and nouns Click To Tweet

Nouns

Here’s the paragraph with nouns highlighted in red.

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the others inhale all they wanted, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth. Pietas gagged, but controlled his stomach.

Layering emotion into characters: Writing Pietas #writerslife #writersIt evokes uneasiness with words like nightmare, darkness, spores, dead. The adjectives and adverbs around the nouns add to it: incessant, never, steaming, lightless, alien, wanted, cloying, sickening. All the words are negative or lean toward the negative. In the end, the reader knows exactly what the character is feeling without coming out and telling them.

By the next page, Pietas finally escapes the gloomy forest. The paragraph that describes his joy never says “He was happy” but you get it. He burst into the welcome light, squinting and shielding his face. After hours tramping through deep shadow, the noonday heat caressed his head and shoulders like a friend, hoped for but long lost.

Build emotion by choosing powerful verbs and nouns that evoke the feeling you want to convey. Your readers will fall in love with the story, empathize with the characters, and scout out more of your work.

 

This week’s BookHooks offers a sneak peek at my upcoming book, a military science fiction novel with romantic elements. What is the hottest kind of fire?

Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire

Humans created the Ultras, a genetically enhanced race, to defend mankind. Instead, Ultras became their greatest threat. With the help of traitors, humans captured half a million of the immortal warriors.

Exiled to an alien world with no tech, no tools, and no resources, their leader, Pietas must protect his people, find food and shelter and unite them. But before he can, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.

Ultras are immortal, and no matter how they die, they come back. Reviving after death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Some wounds heal instantly and a few take time, but battered and broken trust? Immortals may heal, but a wound of the heart lasts forever.

In this scene, Pietas performs a ritual at the urging of his friend, Six.

Pietas’s long hair, full of static electricity from the wind and storm, settled over his shoulders and adhered to his neck. He could not lift his arms to gather it himself but he did not want the others to see he needed help nor did he want Six fretting over it.

The man blamed himself for the injury. Yes, Six had bound Pietas. It had been Six’s duty to do so. In truth, those who had placed Pietas inside the pod and refused to release him were to blame, but no matter how often he reminded Six of that, the ghost refused to relinquish his guilt.

Six dug into his pockets. “I think I have another strip.” They had torn several from a ragged shirt. Six wore the biggest piece around his neck. He set down his pack and opened it.

“Six,” Pietas hissed. He did not turn his head, but looked toward the others. “Leave it!”

The ghost glanced up at him, then the immortals, waiting ahead. “You want the women messing with your hair? Is that it?”

He closed his eyes, counting to ten. To a hundred would not erase this embarrassment. “No.” When he beheld Six, the man had the discourtesy to smirk. “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”

The man chuckled. “We should have cut your hair before we set out.” He rummaged through his kit, which held all Six owned when he’d been abandoned on this world. Little more than survival gear.

“I never cut it except in ritual.”

“I know.” Six withdrew a boning knife used for it.

Before every battle, Pietas performed the solemn rite to affirm superior strength and prowess. The ghost had been the first human to see it carried out, albeit the first half from a distance while hiding.

Six stood. “Maybe you could perform it now.”

“How like you to see the easy solution. But there are a few elements missing. No fire. No water. No mask.” He gestured toward the oncoming storm. “No time.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of pretending?”

“One cannot ‘pretend’ a ritual.”

“What a boring childhood you must’ve had. Why not?”

Pietas opened his mouth to answer. Shut it again.

Six lifted one eyebrow. “Do you want to go into that dark hole and meet up with your people without performing it?”

“No, but there’s no time.”

“Rain’s coming.” Six jerked a thumb toward the forest. “Like I said, you have to go in there or you won’t reunite with your people. Are you going to stand out here making excuses, or do this?”

“Ghost, this ritual is important. It deserves respect.”

Blah, blah, blah. That storm is bearing down on us.” A few drops of rain splattered them both. “See? Or maybe you’d rather have your sister help you with your hair every morning.”

“Fine!” With a resigned sigh, Pietas capitulated. “How do you propose we ‘pretend’ my ritual?”

Six tucked the knife into his belt and held out his cupped hands. “This is fire.”

Pietas hesitated.

“Come on, Pi.” Six wagged his cupped hands. “This stuff is hot.”

“Of course it is.” A smile slipped onto his face and refused to leave. “It’s pretend fire. That’s the hottest kind.”

“Remember, you do this naked. Unzip your robe or whatever it is you’d wear.”

Pietas mimed removing his silk robe. He plucked one hair and laid it across Six’s hands, feeding it to the fire. “As fire has victory over life, so I have victory over my enemies.” He passed a hand through the imaginary flame. As he had in the real ritual, he hissed at the scorching heat. He cupped his hands over Six’s, a symbolic end to the flames. “I am powerful, as fire is powerful.”

“Next is air, right?”

“Yes.” He lifted both hands, made fists, and yanked them back. “I own the wind. I prevail over the breath of my enemies.”

Again, Six cupped his hands. “Water.”

“Water submits to my presence the way enemies submit to my will.” He scooped his hands into the bowl, lifted his arms and pictured the liquid dripping down them. “The blood of my enemies trickles into the pool of time, is absorbed, and forgotten.” He bent and pushed both hands through his hair. “My mind is clear. I do not waver.”

Six held his hands flat, waist high. “The pond.”

Pietas ducked as if to submerse himself, then rose, throwing back his head. “My body submits to my will. No pain defeats me. No fear touches me.” He brushed his hands down the length of his body. “My will is absolute. I am bigger than any fear. I prevail in every circumstance. I face every foe. I vanquish every enemy. I overcome. I am indomitable. I am invincible.”

“Black face paint for the mask.” Six held out his hands.

The ceremonial mask represented a splash of blood across his face received during battle. Dipping two fingers of each hand into the bowl, Pietas outlined a bandit’s mask up over his dark eyebrows to the area beneath his eyes. He brushed his fingertips over his eyelids and met Six’s gaze.

Finding a mixture of awe and respect threw him out of the moment. He faltered, unable to recall what came next.

Six offered the knife hilt first.

The man had seen the ritual performed once, from a distance, yet he’d remembered each step. Six wouldn’t have known the next part was performed by Pietas’s sister if no trusted partner or friend was at hand. The time Six had seen it done, Pietas had not yet considered him either one.

How wrong he had been. The man was more than both.

The hottest kind of fire burns within the heart. --Pietas Click To Tweet

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What a telepath focuses upon, she controls #SciFi #MFRWhooks #MFRWauthorIn this scene from Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire, Pietas and the search party sent to find him have stopped their upward mountain trek for a short break. Prior to their reunion the previous day, Pietas had spent a year in confinement, hands bound behind him. He’d been starved to the point of death, but because he’s immortal, could not die. Although he has healed since, the brutality left a lasting toll on his once robust physical body. As they prepare to get underway, he unwittingly reveals the impairment. To a telepath…

Wincing, Pietas stretched to ease cramps in his back.

His sister stood. “Tas!” she called up to him. She’d started using her childhood name for him since they’d reconnected the day before. “Are you hurt?”

A quick telepathic scan from Joss swept over him before he realized it was there. Pietas had still been a teenager when she’d trained him to shield his mind from those with her gift. Not that he’d ever been able to block her. She was far too powerful, but today, she’d read him with no more difficulty than a hunter spying trail signs. He’d been near no Ultra telepaths for over a year.

His affinity with Six had made him careless and he’d neglected the basic lessons Joss had taught him.

It wasn’t a lack of trust. Trust had never been an issue with Joss.

He treasured her, but he ought not to have been so unguarded and open. Vulnerable.

“Pietas.” Joss stood. The waves of emotion he picked up from her held love and concern in equal measure. And a bit of disappointment. “You’re injured.”

He ducked his head like a schoolboy who’d forgotten his lessons. Admit mortals had damaged him? Never. Neither would he lie about it. He’d take better care to hide the pain.

“Don’t worry about me.” Whistling, he circled a finger in the air. “Let’s go! Long climb ahead.” He leaped down from the rocks. “Joss, you lead.” Last thing he wanted was her behind him, using him as an object of focus.

What telepaths focused upon, they controlled.


Bringer of Chaos: Forged in Fire
Science fiction with romantic elements
Rated PG13 for violence (no explicit content or profanity)
Humans created a genetically enhanced race to defend mankind. Instead, the Ultras became humanity’s greatest threat. Traitors among them help humans imprison half a million and exile them on an alien world.
Pietas has no tech, tools, or resources, but he vows to unite and avenge the Ultra people. First, he must regain command from a ruthless adversary he’s fought for centuries–his brutal, merciless father.
Ultras are immortal, and with few exceptions, they revive after death. Some injuries heal instantly. A few take time. But battered trust and a broken heart… That pain lasts forever.
This military science fiction novel is scheduled for a December 29th release.
Publisher Romance Lives Forever Books
Genre science fiction with romantic elements
Rating PG13 for science fiction violence (no explicit content or profanity)
Length about 74,000 words / 300 pages
To take part in an exclusive pre-release online party and get advance notice of its availability, join the Romance Lives Forever Reader Group. You’ll also get free books and other downloads and goodies.

The prequel for Forged in Fire is Bringer of Chaos: the Origin of Pietas. Next book in the series is Bringer of Chaos: Watch Your Six.


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