Ready: Fight! Choreographing a fight scene #SciFi #MFRWhooks #PietasFans

Choreographing a fight scene is a challenge for any writer. Rewriting it in another story from a different character's point of view is a special kind of madness.

Ready: Fight!

Having written Origin of Pietas first, when I wrote Lights Out, a prequel introducing Six, I had to retell some of the story the way Six saw it. Note: Six was using the name Tornahdo then, a special ops moniker for the way he fought.

What did I do to ensure I got all the hits and bumps right? You can read about it in this post. In Lights Out, Tornahdo (as Six was known then) was one of eight special ops soldiers. They had all been in fights with immortals before this, but none of them had faced Pietas, the immortal king. Here's the scene from Lights Out, Tornahdo's POV.

Tornahdo has entered a closed section of a space station. It's been several minutes since all the air has been removed. Pietas is on the ground, but he's where cameras can't get a good look at him. While Tornahdo and the soldiers can hold their breaths a long time, no one is sure just how long the king can accomplish this feat. Immortals can manipulate human emotions, so to protect the ghosts, they've been fitted with a chip to suppress emotion.


Ready: Fight! Choreographing a fight scene #SciFi #MFRWhooks #PietasFansInside, as instructed, Tornahdo stayed near the back. Two of the eight ghosts closed in on the pod.

Pietas lay on the floor behind it. His body showed, not his face.

Tornahdo tingled with a fighter's high. The mix of anxiety and excitement kept his instincts on maximum alert.

Beside Pietas, a ghost stooped. The change in lighting angle showed the Ultra, limp on the floor. When turned, the body flopped. The ghost pressed two fingers against the throat.

With a jerk, Pietas yanked the man down while thrusting a hand up.

A pierce of mindless fear stabbed Tornahdo. He'd faced that snap of terror before. It meant two things. First, the Ultra was controlling their emotions. Second, the chip was worthless.

Pietas tripped the next ghost, jabbed an elbow into his neck.

Another spurt of fear and confusion.

All that training. Days of suffering, learning control. For nothing.

Pietas flashed into speed mode.

Tornahdo's world moved in slow motion.

A blur showed where the Ultra had been. Pietas halted, braced both hands on a pod and kicked a pair of ghosts behind him.

They flew backward. Slow.

Momentum carried the Ultra straight toward Tornahdo.

Stumbling out of the way, Tornahdo went down in a tumble, taking out the ghost beside him, who knocked down the last two.


From Origin of Pietas: Bringer of Chaos

Pietas's point of view, same scene. No air means no sound.

Crowded as the space was between his life-pod and the wall, two ghosts crept into it. Six spots of light showed on the other side. Eight ghosts then. That would be a much better fight. One nudged him with a foot.

Suppressing a smile, Pietas continued to play dead.Ready: Fight! Choreographing a fight scene #SciFi #MFRWhooks #PietasFans

Ghost One bent down, turned him onto his back.

Pietas let his body flop.

The guy came in closer, checked for a pulse.

Pietas opened his eyes.

The ghost's alarm fed Pietas energy.

He yanked him down, hard, while jamming the heel of his hand up. The ghost's head snapped back, and Pietas felt his bones crack. He shoved him aside and went after Ghost Two.

Pietas gripped his leg and tripped him. He jammed an elbow down onto the man's neck. Bones broke. The ghost's stab of dying fear spiked the energy from the first, and Pietas mixed it with his gift of chaos. He flung the vortex of emotions outward, broadcasting confusion and terror.

He activated his ability called zip. The pseudo speed meant he could move at a regular pace, but humans perceived him as a blur. They could not focus on him long enough to get close. To him, everyone moved in slow motion.

He flipped onto his feet, braced both hands on his pod, and kicked Three and Four square in the chest.

He pushed off the pod, and the momentum carried him straight into the arms of Five and Six. They stumbled backward, tumbling Seven and Eight onto the floor.

Writing different points of view

As you can see, the two viewpoints tell the same story, but the emotions reveal levels of attachment that are quite different.

Tornahdo knows he's had.

Pietas has hope he can escape.

Each is facing a person who refuses to quit, no matter how hard the going gets. Which will prevail?

Read the full story in Lights Out: Bringer of Chaos, and follow through with Origin of Pietas and its sequel, Forged in Fire.

If you like Pietas, you're in luck. He's in most of the Antonello Brothers series set in the far future from the Bringer of Chaos series. When you're immortal, you come back over and over and over. But does that mean he wins the fight in this scene? What's the word for damned if you do and damned if you don't? Hmm, how about screwed...

Check the links below to find more authors in this blog hop.

Pick up the first story in the Bringer of Chaos series, Lights Out, free by joining a reader group!
https://kayelleallen.com/reader-groups

Origin of Pietas

Origin of Pietas: Bringer of Chaos #SpaceOpera #SciFi

Forged in Fire

Forged in Fire: Bringer of Chaos #SpaceOpera #SciFi

Lights Out

Lights Out: Bringer of Chaos #SpaceOpera #SciFi


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